Grandma Mary's Story - Conversations about death

01 Dec 2016 1:31 PM | Anonymous

Mama refers to the process of her passing on as "When I say bye bye". She asks me if I will be ok. I told her don't worry, I will be good. We will take one day at a time, when the time comes, it comes, she will close her eyes when she gets too tired, and then she will say go. She and I will both be ok, I reassure her. I realise I have come to enjoy patting her on her back and stroking her forehead. Once upon a time, she used to do that for me. She used to fuss over me, give me water when I cough, cook for me when I am hungry, worry about me. Now its the reverse. Its the cycle of life. Mama and I often joke about it that now, she is my baby and I look after her. We have a bond that is honest and it is based on us spending so much time together in the last 37 years of my life. We have had a lot of time together, we have had holidays and meals, and now we have lots of walks together in her wheelchair, talking about things we see. Sometimes random, sometimes from her memory, but usually just laughing and having a good time. She lives in a  faith based nursing home now, but fundamentally, she has always prayed with joss sticks. At this point, she seems a little confused with what her religion should be. But I tell her, just whatever you are comfortable with, just be at peace. Mama doesn't want us to fuss over her funeral, but she has many friends, so I want to it close to her home, where all our neighbours can come. After all, everyone is old, whats important is for them to be able to say their good byes if she likes. From what I know of grandma, she has always liked conversations, laughter, food, fun. So the funeral should be more like a party, a meeting of friends and family. Perhaps it might be controversial to some, but at the end of the day, birth and death are both celebrations of life. 

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